Question

Asked by Rex Remes from usa | Feb. 23, 2016 09:53

About:Chinese Marriage

Dowry (money to parents) ... especially if it's the woman's second marraige

Hi,

My girlfriend is divorced (37 years old). She has 4 siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters). We are talking about taking the next step and getting married.

Recently, she broached the topic of the wedding dowry (payment to the bride's parents). I've heard of this before, so I know that many old-fashioned Chinese still follow this custom. My questions are: Is it a normal part of the custom for there to be a paid dowry with a second marriage? Since she has 4 siblings, is there really a need for a big dowry to ensure the parents' future well-being (shouldn't the other siblings be helping out with that)? How much is an acceptable amount?

Oh ... any advice on how to handle the situation where the girl/family say I need to respect their customs, without considering/understanding the Western custom?

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Answers (3)

Answered by Lee | Feb. 23, 2016 19:11

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I guess you are talking about the betrothal gift. Dowry is the belongings of the bride presented by the girl's family on the wedding.
Presenting betrothal gifts is a traditional and conventional custom of a wedding, no matter how many marriages she had before. Nowadays, people still respect this tradition, and money becomes the common gift today. Presenting the gift shows the respect and kindness to the girl's family. It also shows that you have the ability to let the girl live a good life. It is a kind of guarantee. You should follow it.

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Answered by Rex Remes | Feb. 26, 2016 09:09

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Yes .... I am referring to the gift/money paid to the Chinese bride's parents. I have read in many places that for a second marriage, it is not necessary, since they received money from the first wedding/marriage.

Even if something is paid the second time, out of respect, how much is acceptable to ensure everyone is happy and no one loses face?

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Answered by Lee | Feb. 26, 2016 19:30

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Oh, the amount of dowry varies from one region to another and from one family to another. In some places of China, it can be as high as CNY 150,000 and in some places CNY 30,000 is OK. As this is the second marriage, it wll be fine if the dowry is reasonably lower than those getting married for the first time. I think you should discuss it with your girlfriend and figure out a proper number that everyone satisfies.

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