I would be grateful for information & advice about my family's Chinese Zodiacs effect on dynamics?

Your husband and you are both of the element of water. Your 1st son is wood and your 2nd son is earth.
According to Chinese Wu Xing, people of the same element can get along well; water and wood can also be compatible. But water and wood may not cooperate well with earth. So, the 2nd son may have some issues getting along with the rest of the family members. But don't worry. A good communication and more understanding can solve all the problems.
Wish you a happy life!