Thank-you for your response. Yes, I think we should negotiate with our daughter-in-law's parents. The cost is concerning as we have received a letter stating $ amounts that are a lot of $! Including gifts to 30 family members of $75USD each, more for grandparents. And so we are not laughed at a gift of $9,000 to $15,000 to the brides parents. Also $5,000 we must pay for a wedding planner, and nearly $10,000 for the banquet in a big,famous hotel. The groom our son is still in college, so we are supporting the couple and paying for college. I'd like to have a small ceremony here in the states for our relatives too. I would not spend that kind of money, even for my own daughter. It is beyond our means at this time. Again any advice would be very helpful. I've changed the yuan into $USD amounts.